Defining Manhood

I'm a man, and the most learned among us (stand-up comedians) have well documented things most men are prone to do: refuse to ask directions, hide our emotions and incorrectly answer the question, "Do these pants make me look fat?" But there is one thing all men do: given the choice between simply dropping a piece of waste into a trash can and tossing it in from a yard or more away, we will throw it in every time.

We are fascinated with accuracy from long distances, and each guy knows exactly what I'm talking about. Wadded up piece of paper? Dirty diaper? Soda can? All are viewed as possible projectiles that can prove our degree of awesomeness in direct relation to how far we had to throw to make the wastebasket.

My wife has severe optical pain from constant eye rolls as I employ this male trash removal technique every chance I get. Nightly, I will scoop the cat box into a sealed bag and attempt to launch it into the garage trash can, about ten feet from the door. I miss half the time, but that doesn't stop me from doing it again, every single night.

Would I get 100% accuracy if I simply walked ten feet and dropped the bag into the trash can? Sure, but my awesome rating would drop to all-time low. Consequently, if I could manage to stand at the end of the driveway and nail a kitty litter three pointer, I'd be King of the World.

How do I know that to be true? Every guy reading this just nodded and said aloud, "Oh man! Yeah!" (That, my friend is man-speak for, "Jolly good show, old chap!")

So, cut your man some slack. He can't help it, and if draining a wadded up napkin from across the kitchen makes him feel a little better, so be it.

Besides, we know you are secretly impressed and do it when we're not around...